TALLADEGA SCENIC HIGHWAY ON MT. CHEAHA ~ ALABAMA ~ photo taken by Dianna Stover
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Showing posts with label grandmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandmas. Show all posts

Friday, April 12, 2013

SOUTHERN GRANDMA

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question... if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" 

She responded, "Why, yes.  I do know you, Mr. Williams.  I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."  The lawyer was stunned. 

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died!

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

Have a great weekend everybody!

Lady R

Friday, April 27, 2012

FRIDAY FUNNY - LEAN ON ME


The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side.

A few more minutes passed when she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said... “Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?”

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

“Bastards won't let me fart”.