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Friday, September 28, 2012


You may have seen some of these before, or they may even be about you... but nonetheless, they are still funny. The first few are definitely for the men, but don't worry ladies... I put a few gems in for us.



My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No", she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes".

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started...


My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...


A woman was standing nude in the bedroom mirror.  She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...




My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept starting at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I replied, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."  So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, "That silver hair on your chest in proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security Office...

She said, "You should have dropped you pants.  You might have gotten disability too."

And then the fight started...




Saturday morning I got early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.  The wind was blowing 50 mph., so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.  I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started...

Have a great weekend everybody!! And... NO FIGHTING!!

Lady R


Trobairitz said...

Great funnies. How do you find these?

Webster World said...

Yes the best was last.

FLHX_Dave said...

I'm always on the hunt for confrontation as a result of conversation. heh, funny stuff! I need to steal on I liked. Thanks!