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Thursday, December 22, 2011


Going home for Christmas!

For the last 30 something years, that expression has brought it's share of joy, excitement, anticipation and stress!  Don't get me wrong... I love Christmas, and I love going home... but when the two events are happening simultaneously, the stress meter definitely gets a bit of a work out.  Making sure you have everything you need for the trip, as well as not forgetting anybody's Christmas... well, you get my drift.

And speaking of drifts, the news of our heartland being under heavy snow and blizzard conditions, makes me drift back in time to another "going home for Christmas" trip... a trip that left scars and will live in our minds forever!

It was the Christmas of  1981. Harley and I had just bought our first new car as a married couple and we thought we were the shit.  A silver 1980 Datsun 200 SX. We might have been married, but we still wanted to hold on to some cool factor, and that quick little 5 speed fed our need for play. The only trouble with our awesome SX is, it was a bit small when it came to loading up the family... with all our luggage.

Our "family" during that time, consisted of us and two English Shepherds, Molly and Keiva. They were male and female litter mates and each weighed in at about 75 and 90 lbs. respectively.  Not the largest shepherds we've ever had, but when you're putting them in the back seat of a small compact car, they seemed much larger. Complicate that arrangement with a 16 hour drive, that turned into a 24 hour nightmare during blizzard conditions... well, hold on a minute... it gets worse.

The very morning we were to leave, I noticed a small blood spot on Molly's leg and wondered what she had done to hurt herself.  After looking her over, I was baffled, until I noticed that she kept licking herself.  Looking under her belly, I discovered her "love spot" was swollen and... YEP! You guessed it... she just went into "heat".  Yay us!!  Now what?  We've heard of doggie diapers so we decided to stop by the pet store on our way out of town to see if this would help our situation. Our biggest thought at that moment was how we were going to keep her from making a mess out of our new car! I mean come on...  really??

After procuring some diapers, we headed north to Iowa.  We thought the problem was solved, but unfortunately, Keiva had other plans. Dogs don't care if you're their sister. I could see it in his eyes. He was thinking it was his duty...  if you're ready to f*#k, than by golly Miss Molly,  I'm ready to oblige ya!!

So went the circling... and the panting... and the hunching... and the scolding... all while in the confines of the small compact back seat of the Datsun.  I kept thinking that we need to hurry up and get there so we can let these poor creatures out of this tiny little cage. Molly kept giving Keiva those sideways glances as she kept her "love spot" planted firmly to the seat, all while he was trying to persuade her to do otherwise. He hunched and hunched, to the point that I was afraid the poor dog was going to throw his back out before we could get him out of this car!

In addition to enduring the backseat ballet, the further north we got, the more volatile the weather became.  We've been warned that there may be a storm during our drive up, but we figured as long we stayed on the interstate, we should be pretty good.  About the time we turned west onto I-75 in Indianapolis, the snow and ice storm made driving extremely difficult and dangerous. We trekked on, but the speedometer never went over 30 mph, taking us over 5 hours to travel 150 miles.  We noticed that most vehicles we encountered were either creeping along like us, or hanging off the edge of the road, having slipped into the loose stuff enough to remain trapped there. In spite of all that... we continued on.

Stopping to stretch legs and pee became something of an event also.  The first time the dogs hopped out of the car and there was snow on the ground, you would have thought their paws were on fire.  Picking up their feet and prancing around trying to figure how to move about without stepping in this very strange new stuff, was a comical site indeed.  Every time Molly squatted to pee, (yes... the snow was deep!) she stood back up and kept searching for a clear spot.  (I guess if I sat my "love spot" in the snow, it would give me a start also).  Eventually, she figured out that if you dribble just a little bit out, you can melt a hole in the snow, which then allowed her to squat all the way down and finish her business. Smart girl!

We got to mom and dad's house much later than expected, but we made it safe and sound.  After preparing a nice comfy place in the basement for the pups, (separated!) we officially commenced our Christmas holiday.  The dogs got used to, and actually enjoyed playing in the snow and Molly's "condition" eventually waned.  Everything seemed to settle down, but as all good vacations go, it was over too quick.   Before you knew it, we were headed back south  Our very large family... in our little compact car.

We made it back to our southern home without issue.  The weather stayed good and thank God, we didn't deliver any puppies in February. Time passed and it wasn't until Spring came along before our Christmas trip to Iowa came back up as a hot topic of conversation. My dad was pissed! It seems, during our stay, Keiva (and Molly) left him many large presents in his yard.  I guess when a big dog drops a turd bomb (or pees a lake the size of Erie) onto frozen ground, it freezes and stays there until Spring.  When April came around and thawed out dad's yard, it was laden with very large brown dead spots, a sure result of lots and lots of Keiva bombs! Oh my!

About three seasons later, his bare spots filled in and his yard finally started to look nice again. He eventually saw the humor in Keiva's fertilization efforts, but the "NO VACANCY" sign went up for puppies, and never came back down. I'm sure if he were here today, he'd have something funny to say about it, and he really did love his Granddogs... as long as they stayed home!

So many Christmases have come and gone now, and there have been many trips back home share them. Today our family consists of two small dogs, referred to as "the boys", and a trio of felines.  My moms thinks they're pretty good little guys, so she's decided it was time to take down the "NO VACANCY" sign and welcome them home for Christmas.  Yay us!

Bandit and Joker are as excited as two little kids in a candy store. They're going home for Christmas and can't wait to go see Grandma!  We have since learned many valuable lessons in regards to traveling with animals, and we tried to make life easier with our downsized "family".  Little dogs equals little turds and trust me when I say... we'll have plenty of potty pads.

Merry Christmas everybody! Have a great holiday!

Lady R


Billy Jones said...

I've never figured out the fascination we Americans have with grass. My Daddy also fretted and worked his tail off to grow grass. Me-- each year I have less and less grass as I'm replacing as much grass as possible with perennials I can eat.

Amazingly, in the back yard, where my free range chickens run free, the grass is better than Daddy could have ever imagined even though I do nothing to the grass.

Yep, I'm the guy the neighbors all talk about.

Bucky said...

I also remember Kiva cut his paw pretty good running across the ice covered snow over at Burden Park. That was a mess too... Only thing you did wrong was you kept referring to Kiva as Whiskey in your story... Love ya Sis... Have a safe trip back to the "Motherland"

Trobairitz said...

Sounds like quite the adventure. I am glad everyone made it safe and sound.

Funny how those moments come back as fond memories whereas you might not have been too amused at the time.

Happy Holidays.

Unknown said...

Lady R:

we also had barren spots but only where there was "yellow snow". It is mostly wet here so it is better to pickup hard lumps, instead of squishy, runny brown poops.

Have a Merry Christmas with your family. Now that you have your jeep you can take the LONG way

Riding the Wet Coast

mq01 said...

OMG! a friend had enough difficulty with her 200sx, i can only imagine an entire family in one...lol! merry christmas ladyR and family!

Bitchy said...

Thanks for sharing never had dogs that big but I use to travel with my two male boxers... Zues and Hades, and their names did fit them. Even though both are deceased I still think there are parks, truck stops and restaurants I am no longer welcomed in...
Have a Merry Christmas and safe journey.

Lady R (Di) said...

Billy... you could be my neighbor. I like eggs! lol!

Bucky... Thanks for the proof read bro! I fixed it now, but I guess that's what happens when you come back to finish a story you've already started and have only half your mind left. Reminds me of Grandma running through all her grandkids names til she got to the one she really wanted. lol! We'll miss you in the "motherland", but we'll be thinking of you. Love you bro!

Trobairitz... As most funny stories go, it wasn't very funny at the time. It's amazing how time always puts a nicer perspective on things... like life!

Bobskoot... I imagine Keiva's yellow snow is more likely what made dad's lovely bare spots. Regardless, he always loved playing with his grandpets, at THEIR house! lol!

MQ01... We loved that little car... but it don't hold much!

Bitchy... I hear ya! Boxer's aren't small dogs! My friend has a female boxer she calls Georgia and she's just the sweetest gal. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

WooleyBugger said...

Christmas travel antics, I loved it.