FRIDAY FUNNY - WHY I'M NOW GETTING A DIVORICE

Why I'm Now Getting A Divorce...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday".

I thought well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome boss, Rick, said, "Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Rick knocked on my door and said, "You know... it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch. Just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch.

But... we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office Rick said, "You know... it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go straight back to the office right away, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

He said, "Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, "If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok", I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there....

On the couch....

Naked.

I'M STILL HERE!

In case any of you have seen news of our devastating tornadoes that hit the south yesterday, I just wanted to say, I am still here. Fortunately, Montgomery was far enough south, that all we experienced was some hard rain and wind.

I'm saddened, though, that I have many fellow Alabamians who are not so lucky.

(pic from the web)
Devastating Southern storms kill more than 250 - WSFA 12 News Montgomery, AL |

Please keep our unfortunate storm victims and their families in your thoughts and prayers... they will be needed.

On a good note, the bad weather has moved out it promises to be a glorious weekend. I'm on my way to Florida in the morning... Thunder Beach calls me.

Ride on!

Lady R

THUNDER BEACH SPRING RALLY

Time to load up and head south for the Spring Thunder Beach Rally at my home away from home, Panama City Beach, Florida.

Click on the icon above for the official Thunder Beach Productions web page, where you'll find all the information you need to plan your stay and see what's happening.

(pics copied from the web)

I also wanted to remind all of you who find yourself in the area... don't forget to grab some of the best damn pizza in the pan handle. Marco's Pizza at 7010 Thomas Drive... but don't tell them Lady R sent you or they'll charge you double! lol!

Come on down for some great fun and remember the Thunder Beach motto... "The most biker friendly free rally in the US!"

Let's ride and party hard!!

Lady R

PIC OF THE WEEK - CURVES

WHAT DID ONE GLIDE SAY TO THE OTHER GLIDE?
"Let's go curvy!"BTW... what's your favorite sign?
I hope you all had a very nice Easter weekend. Have a great week everybody!

Lady R

SORRY KIDDOS... EASTER HAS BEEN CANCELED

What a tragedy this has turned out to be. How are we going to explain this to all the children!

(photo copied from twitpics)

Oh well... Happy Easter! Next time he'll look both ways!

Lady R

FRIDAY FUNNY - THE SPOON

THE SPOON

(A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.)

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place', and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, "Why the spoon?"

"Well", he explained, "the restaurant's owner hired Anderson Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now," he said. I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-now-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%."


I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how to you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

PIC OF THE WEEK - HANG ON SNOOPY!!

Today's Pic Of The Week comes from my good pal, the Road Runner.

The Road Runner makes his living driving an 18 wheeler up and down our highways and while he was enjoying the scenery on I-10 in Phoenix, AZ a couple weeks ago, he observed a group of riders as they rode passed him. He said he was quite surprised when he noticed something on the back of one of the riders bikes, but couldn't quite make out what he was seeing. He claims he had to speed up and chase these guys down so he could get the evidence he needed to help prove his tale, or in this case maybe I should say... tail!

HANG ON SNOOPY!!
I don't know about you, but this cute fella looks like he's done this before. Road Runner said when he saw him the first time, "Snoopy" was laid up against the riders back and had his head on his shoulder. He thought the dude was wearing a kids back pack at first... until the pack moved!
I'm wondering if these guys went to AZ bike week. If they did... I sure hope Snoopy had a good time.

Have a great week everybody!

Lady R

FRIDAY FUNNY - THE STUTTERING KITTEN

THE STUTTERING KITTEN

A teacher is explaining Biology to her 3rd grade students. She says... "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."

A little girl raises her hand saying... "I had a kitty cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well..." she began, "I was in the backyard with my kitty cat and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher exclaimed... "That must've been scary!"

The little girl said... "It sure was! My kitty raised her back, went 'Ssssss, Ssssss, Ssssss' and before she could say 'Shit!' the Rottweiler ate her!"


The teacher had to leave the room.

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Lady R

ABCD - WILL YOU TAKE PART?

Gary over at USA Harley Davidson Tour has come up with a great idea and asked us fellow bloggers and riders to help spread the word. Take a look...

ABCD - Will You Take Part?

Maybe you would like to join in with this.....

A Bloggers Centerline Day, or ABCD, will take place on Sunday 1st May 2011.

The plan is to inspire as many bloggers as possible to go outside and take a photograph of themselves on this day, wherever they are in the world. The photo can be creative, arty, contain more than one person, be in any type of location and can contain anything else you like. It must however contain the centerline of a road and at least part of you, the blogger.

There are 5 rules....

Rule 1 - the picture must be taken on 1st May 2011.

Rule 2 - the picture must be of yourself, and you must be a person that publishes a blog. You can include whatever else you like in the picture, including other people if you wish.

Rule 3 - the picture must include the centerline of a road.

Rule 4 – you should publish the picture on your blog on 1st May 2011, along with a few words about the picture and why you chose that location or pose.

Rule 5 - when you have posted the picture on your own blog, put a comment on http://garysusatour.blogspot.com/2011/04/abcd-will-you-take-part.html and include in that comment the address of your own blog post containing your own picture.

Gary France will then pick his favorite photos and publish these as being the winners. There will be a prize of $100 awarded to the overall single winner, as chosen by Gary.

In order to get this event known as widely as possible, please copy and paste this posting onto your own blog, including the title. Please do that today!

As a reminder to yourself to take the photo and post it, put an entry into your diary for 1st May 2011.

Let’s see if we can get as any people to join in as possible.

Posted by Gary France
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think this is a wonderful idea and I hope Gary gets a lot of entries. I for one, am already trying to come up with a winning photo idea! May the best creator win!!

Lady R

PIC OF THE WEEK - CRIMSON AND CLOVER

Harley and I took off Saturday morning and headed north up to Mt. Cheaha. I love going there and riding the curvy ribbon of highway up to the top of this small mountain. Our roads were full of other riders blowing off the cobwebs of winter and airing out their machines. I hate to brag to all your northerners, but... we saw 87 degrees this weekend!

CRIMSON AND CLOVER
I'm glad we finally found a safe spot to pull off and let me get a great picture of all the amazing clover that's everywhere along our highways. Mother Nature's palate of vibrant red and bright white are lined all along our roads and brings a lot of bright color to your peripheral vision, making it very hard to stay focused on what's in front of you.

There's something very rewarding about topping a large curvy hill just to see a blanket of crimson clover covering a large pasture. Ahhhhhh...

Ah, my mind's such a sweet thing.
I want to do everything.
What a beautiful feeling.
Crimson and clover. Over and over.
Crimson and clover, over and over, Crimson and clover, over and over...

Have a nice week everybody!

Lady R

FRIDAY FUNNY - THE LOVING WIFE

The Loving Wife

An escaped convict breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife...

"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Just look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds...
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom."

"Be strong honey... I love you too."

I hope everybody has a great weekend planned. Our weather dude tells us it's going to sunny and warm... Let's ride!!

Lady R

P.S. Keep your doors locked! Muwahahahahaha!

PIC OF THE WEEK - BUFFALO... IN ALABAMA??

Saturday was a perfect day to ride, and ride we did. Not knowing which way we wanted to go, we just played a quick game of spin the bottle... it decided we would head west.

We always seem to gravitate toward water when we ride, so as usual, we found ourselves riding down the small road that would lead us to Swift Creek on the Jones Bluff Reservoir. I was just puttin' along, taking in the spring scenery, the cows, the horses and the... WTF was that?

ALABAMA BUFFALO
Harley and I went on past these out of place western creatures, but it's the first thing we said to each other when we stopped. "Did you see those buffalo?" We thought it very unusual to see a herd of them here in the sunny south. I told Harley I didn't even notice when we crossed the state line, much less get all the way out west! (Yes... he rolled his eyes too!)

When we left Jones Bluff, I wore the camera around my neck so I could be ready to take some pics of our new found western friends. If you look closely, you'll even see one of them getting ready to roll on the ground... must need a back scratch.

This may not seem pic worthy to some of you, but this is not a regular site for us. I guess you just never know what you'll see when you ride around this big beautiful state I call home. Come on down and see for yourself!

I hope y'all like my new header. Have a nice week everybody!

Lady R

FRIDAY FUNNY - TROUBLES

TROUBLES

There I was, sitting in the bar staring at my drink, when a trouble making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, what'cha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly. I burst into tears.

"Come on lady," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a woman crying."

"This is the worst day of my life", I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found that my Electra Glide had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my husband in bed with our maid and then my dog bit me!"

"So I came into this bar to work up the courage to end it all. I buy a drink, I drop in a capsule and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then... some jackass shows up and gulps down the whole thing!"

"But that's enough about me... how's your day going?"



Watch your P's and Q's today and remember...

"FOOLS NAMES AND FOOLS FACES... OFTEN SEEN IN PUBLIC PLACES"

April Fool's Day everybody!

Lady R