Dear Diary... a glimpse into the pages of journal written by a woman rider.Friday
October 2, 2009
Dear Diary,
I can't sleep. It's 4:00 a.m. and my mind won't be still. I toss and turn, trying to recapture that comfortable place of nothingness, but it eludes me. As my journal, I realize you'd rather hear how exciting my last ride was, or what a beautiful day it was while on it, but I can't do that today. Instead, I need you to lift my burden of restlessness.
I can't shake this pain in my heart. A pain that was not brought on by anything I did, or didn't do, but a pain that is there... out of love. I looked up the word in the dictionary. It says it's "an unpleasant sensation caused by the stimulation of certain nerves, esp. as a result of injury or sickness; a distressing emotion."
We've all been there... standing on the sidelines, watching someone you love experience the pain. Whether it be from physical injury or emotional distress, we watch helplessly as they fight through the challenge of not letting the pain overcome there whole being. Praying and hoping that they'll feel our strength, giving them the will to go on and fight, and not give up.
How many times have we wished we could transfer the pain from them to us and why do we feel that way? Is is because we think we are stronger and can handle it better? Do we think it will overcome them, and are frightened of what that result will bring? I'm not sure of the answer to that, but my guess is it's because we don't want our loved one to go through the pain and misery alone. Which makes me realize... pain has no boundaries.
We share the burden of pain with them. We stand by their side, whether their pain is emotional or physical; we stand by them until they realize that nothing is insurmountable with the support and love of family and friends. We stand by their side as they see the light and feel the grip that pain had on them weaken and dissipate. Each new day brings strength and comfort as they make progress.
My restlessness comes from pain. Pain of sharing the grief over lost love, pain of sharing the grief over senseless accidents. Pain of knowing that you cannot control the happiness or safety of those you love.
Pain. Please move on, I don't want to feel you anymore.
Me
12 comments:
Your writing is deep. I like that about your style. I hope you and your loved one are not suffering too long.
Love, hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Check your email...there is my comment. Strength be yours brave soul.
Mr M... I guess my thoughts have been a little deep lately. I hate to be a downer, but with all the accidents I'm hearing about and family heartaches, I didn't have anything humorous to say.
I'm going riding today, this afternoon I plan to ride high in a temporary state of euphoria, and worry about life's problems when I come back down.
Have a nice weekend.
BB... thanks girl. We need all the hugs and prayers we can get. They really do help us feel better!
Dave... Thanks. Most appreciated. :)
Great journal entry. Looks like something I would've written.
I feel the pain of you and your loved one. He's lucky to have someone like you.
big hugs ladyR. we ride alongside you and give you strength and hope.
i hope that your weekend ride(s) was everything needed and more...
Thank You!
Your strength is appreciated every day.
I love you!!
I have come and read this several times now...I am at a loss for words.
Everything I think to write seems trivial compared to your loss.
If it helps..remember I do think of you daily and wonder how your doing.
Always watchful, always by your side in spirit thru good and bad
Your friend, Big D Caveman.
Dean... I guess it's a little darker than what I usually write. But, I know we'll all see brighter days again... soon I hope!
mq01... my ride this weekend was absolutely wonderful. I realized while I was clicking off the country side miles, it's been almost two weeks since I've ridden. No wonder I was so out of whack! Can't let that happen again!
Thanks for the hugs... we can use all we can get!!
Bucky... I love you too bro! Our family is way too close to let you deal with life's crap all alone. Remember we're here for you!
BTW... You need to dust off that butter cream beauty, gas her up and take off till you nearly run out of gas! Then maybe you can think about turning around and riding back, but not before then! Time to clear the cobwebs!
Big D... It's nice to know that I've got good folks like you watching my back. Strength does come in numbers and my brother has to be feeling it... from all of us.
Thanks friend.
I've been traveling some rough road lately myself and pain is an all too familiar thing. But, as you tell us, it's different when the pain is someone elses, and much worse when they are near and dear to you. All I can say is I'm really sorry to hear about it, and I hope it works out somehow. It's hard when you wish you could help but can only sit and wait.
Virtual hugs Lady R.
My heart feels heavy with your pain. As with the other brothers and sisters here. We are a family in blogger land and we are feeling your pain. I am so sorry you are dealing with this burden. I have and will pray for you. Your peace will come. I have no real answers other than pray. May peace be with you.
Joker... Thanks for the virtual hug! I really appreciate it. I'm sure there is someone in your life feeling the same way I am about my brother. You can bask in the comfort of knowing someone loves and cares about your well being, we just wish we could have the power to deliver happiness on command.
Take care.
Webster... Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. I know they are helping, because I feel it.
Things are getting a little better for my bro and he realizes, life goes on, in spite of it all. Time will heal all wounds.
Thanks again for your support.
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