There was no funeral, no church service, not even a token memorial to mark the end. Yet, grief and mourning ripped through the rider as the darkness of death surrounded his "spirit".
He was not ready to die. He feared it and fought it... at least to the extent any rider tries to. Coming to the realization that there is something out there, bigger than him, throws him into yet another spiritual turmoil.
Wondering (why?)... his body moves slowly and not without suffering, as he tries to negotiate himself into a more comfortable position.
Most have called him lucky and many remind him of second chances not often given, but yet he lingers in the vast sea of uncertainty. Questions without answers bind his soul from feeling free. "What did I do... What did they do... Just what the hell happened?" Trying to remember the accident left him frustrated beyond measure, as there is nothing in his mind to give the rider comfort... or shame. Just the lost hole of time, and the pain to bear with it.
Bruises fade and bones heal yet, the rider continues to struggle. The demons in his mind won't allow his "spirit" to soar free and while the rider is lost without the road, the man is still hungry for life. Seeking new avenues for adventure puts forth a challenge, but allows him to keep his eyes on the big picture. The man fights for survival in the abyss of self pity while finding comfort and strength in the support of his "foundation".
Coming to terms with difficult decisions can leave a man tired and broken and somehow, the promise of life still feeds him. The rider suffered immense loss, but the man has been spared. His desire to grow old and find happiness will eventually expel those demons and his "spirit" will find a way, once again, to fly free.
The man feels the grief... the sadness... and the loss... that this death brings.
The rider in him has died... but the man has not.
Lady R
16 comments:
We are thankful that the Rider was spared. The decision to not ride is very personal and a hard one to come to terms with. However a Man has to do what his heart directs him to do.
Tell the Man it will work out. We are pulling for him!
That was really beautiful. I agree with AHD, so thankful that the Rider is still around to experience other adventures. Love you girl, sending lots of love and hugs to you!
Hard decision, took me almost thirty years to come back. You still have each other, that is the most important thing. Hope that whatever you and Harley do next you enjoy as much as you have liked riding together.
There is no shame in a personal decision, and it is a very personal decision. Perhaps one day he will come back...and the wind will welcome him with open arms.
Decisions are never easy, especially decisions that are part of your soul, your very being. There is plenty of happiness out there that doesn't deal with riding. Well written post, it really moved me...
It's hard when your spirit has been shredded and a part of your soul has been ripped from you. When a part of your life has been unfairly taken from you, sometimes it's hard to know how to move on with your life.
Some may call you "lucky" but they really are the lucky ones. They don't have to deal with the aftermath of how to move on with their lives. Only the loved ones may get a glimpse past the outward pain to see the agony that lies within.
Yes, the rider may have died. But the man lives on. The husband lives on. The friend lives on. Give him opportunities to truly live and he will grow his wings and fly again.
All my love and hopes.
That was very deep and moving. I'm glad He's still around for you. You two will find ways to enjoy life together, with or without riding.
AZD... Thanks Paul. We really appreciate that. It hasn't been easy around our house lately, but we realize we have much to be thankful about. Thanks for your support.
B.B. Me too! Your mind can't help but put the scenario before you and it's not a pretty picture. I'm glad he's still around too... bike or no bike.
Dave... thank you friend. We both also wonder if, or when, he may ride again. We certainly are keeping our minds open to that fact. It's just going to take time to come back around to it, I think.
Wooley... With open arms and big adventures! Right now... our Jeep is keeping us in touch with the roads and nature. We may be down, but we certainly are not OUT!!
Rhonda... knowing there is more to life than riding is probably one of the hardest things for a rider to realize. If you ever do. Thankfully, my hubby doesn't have a death wish, he just doesn't feel like he can take another wreck and come through it as good as he did this time. It's hell getting old!!
Dean... Your so right my friend! Thank you again for all your support and strength. It was so awesome getting to spend the afternoon with you while I was home. I can't wait for hubby to meet you and Miss K. (maybe we should just go on an call her "Barbie") lol!
Until then, we will move forward and see what life has in store.
I know one thing... it will continue to be like a box of chocolates! See you again at Christmas... I hope!
Mr. M... thank you. We still plan to hang and camp with our biking friends. Every group needs a chase vehicle!
Lady R:
I would think that everytime you went out for a solo ride, his heart would skip a beat and he would reminisce about tagging along. We all have fears & doubts about doing perceived dangerous activities and sometimes they can be overcome, and sometimes not but life must go on if we are to continue living and be companions to others. Time heals and often we chose other activities and go off in different directions. I have often thought about when the time is right to stop riding. Often times a mishap can trigger this decision earlier, than later.
take care, healing takes time
bob
Riding the Wet Coast
beautiful post ladyR. thankfully, gratefully the rider(s) can still enjoy every day in every way you choose together :)
Our choices are made on a number of incidents in our lives predicted by things we just can't understand or undo sometimes. But that doesn't mean we can not live. There is a saying I use a lot:
TURN FEAR INTO FUEL.
It helps. He will find a way to come back to a passion, whatever it is. All will be well. :)
Bobskoot... I'm one of those people who likes that expression... "never say never." Maybe the rider will come back to me some day, but for now, I'm sure gonna miss him. :(
mq01... we have been realizing that fact, a lot lately and are very grateful. :)
K.T. "turn fear into fuel". Very good concept... and motivating! I know he, and we, will be fine. We have 31 years of practice getting through tough situations. :)
Very well put. Moving on at times seems hard to do, but when passed that part one realizes it was for the best in spirit and soul.
Very moving words Lady R. It sent chills down my spine. He is a very lucky man to come through this accident. He's also very lucky to have such a wonderful life partner there with him and for him.
Ronman
Very moving! I can only imagine how tough the decision was but sometimes you just have to walk away be it for a little while or forever. Time makes all things easier.
Webster... I'm not happy with the direction life took us, but I'm adjusting to it. Time is taking care of that for me.
Ronman... Thank you. He agrees with you... he tells me everyday. :)
IHG... Time is certainly what helps with something like this. The more time that passes, the easier it is to accept what life deals out. That... and keeping your eyes on the big picture. Who knows... we never say never!
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